How to Stop Being Nice

How to Stop Being Nice

(Stop people-pleasing and save yourself from anxiety, low self-esteem, and resentment)

What's wrong with being nice?

Nothing - if you are doing it of your free will.

Everything - if you are doing it out of fear, anxiety, and out of covert expectations.

What to do instead?

Try giving authenticity and boldness a chance.

So here's how you can stop being nice:

1. Become Self-Aware

Awareness is the first step.

Look at yourself with interest and respect. Not judgment and denial.

Find out your values and priorities.

You will start realizing quickly when you sabotage yourself.

2. Stay Authentic

Stay true to your:

- feelings

- opinions

- thoughts

- emotions. 

Live your own life.

No apologies. 

No regrets. 

“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” 

- Brene Brown

3. Detach from Other's Opinions

You cannot control what others feel or think about you.

So free yourself from the burden.

 'You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches"

- Dita Von Teese

4. Start Small

You are training yourself as well as others about your limits.

So start asserting yourself in small ways.

Say no to small requests.

Speak your opinion aloud.

Go ask for that pen.

Every step counts.

5. Say No

Realize that you have a choice to say 'No'.

- to things that you really don't want to do

- without feeling selfish or guilty

- without worrying about upsetting someone

Just because you were asked, you don't have to say yes.

6. Stall for Time

If saying 'No' outright bothers you then stall for time.

Take that time to think about the request.

Evaluate it.

Do it only if it's something you really want to do.

7. Avoid Giving Reasons

You 'No' is enough.

You don't have to always back it up with a reason.

When you back your 'No' with other obligations

you are just inviting them to find holes in your logic.

8. Learn Assertive Communication

Learn how to express yourself with clarity and confidence.

You don't need to become aggressive to get your message across.

You can exert your will and yet remain non-confrontational.

9. Grow Healthy Boundaries

State clearly what you will accept and what you will not.

State the consequences.

Expect and ignore the pushbacks.

Follow through when someone violates them.

Your boundaries will protect you from getting manipulated.

10. Don’t apologize if it’s not your fault

Stop saying sorry without reason.

Normalize not apologizing if it's not your fault.

11. Have Your Own Back

Stop expecting others to make you happy.

That's your job.

Take it seriously.

Make time for yourself and for what brings you joy.

Sometimes, being selfish is exactly what you need.

12. Be Kind to Yourself

Treat yourself with dignity and respect.

Embrace praise when you receive them.

Never talk down to yourself.

Your subconscious takes whatever you tell yourself at a face value.

Use it to your advantage.

13. Help When You Want to Help

Not being nice doesn't mean becoming a jerk.

It means that you stop doing things to gain approval or from the fear of rejection.

You help others out.

But you do that out of choice, not out of conditioning.